Our Blog Friends

Over the past couple of months, I have received a fair amount of email from new readers wanting to know how to make friends online. Some ask for advice about starting a blog; others aren’t quite ready for that leap but would still like to connect with people their age.

In my own experience, I’ve found that it’s hard not to find friends if you jump in and make yourself part of the conversation on blogs. Darlene, now of Darlene’s Hodgepodge, had been a regular around the blogosphere for a couple of years before she began her blog, as had joared of Along the Way and Naomi Dagen Bloom of A Little Red Hen. I’m sure there are others who don’t come to mind right now.

There are also non-blogging readers we come to know through their comments (and at this blog, from their contributions to The Elder Storytelling Place) and with some, we further the friendship through email. In the TGB Blogging Survey in May, half of the 187 who responded to the question (all were age 50 or older) said they had made friends through blogging.

In a follow-up question, nearly 32 percent of the 373 who answered the question described their relationship with blog friends as “good friends” or “as important as real world friends."

Sometimes we get to meet our online friends in person. I’ve been pleased to meet quite a few: Claude of Blogging in Paris, Millie of My Mom’s Blog, Pete of As I Was Saying…, Marian Van Eyk McCain of ElderWomanBlog, amba of Ambivablog, Frank Paynter of listics, Betsy Devine of Betsy Devine: Funny Ha-Ha or Funny Peculiar, Francine Hardaway of Stealthmode, Deejay of Small Beer, younger bloggers like Chris Pirillo of pirillo.com and Stan James of Wandering Stan and more (apologies to those unnamed).

I've known some of these people for years - they have become old friends now as have others there has not been the opportunity to meet (yet).

Although it is unlikely I’ll ever get on airplane again unless it’s a matter of life and death, wherever I go, I check to see if there are elderbloggers in the city to which I’m traveling and if we can make time to get together. Also, I’m surprised at how many bloggers I know online have reasons to visit so far afield as Portland, Maine. Citizen K and I are making arrangements now to meet when he and his wife are here in September.

Just guessing, but my closest friends are now split about evenly between offline and online, and those with whom I’m closest are equally important, whichever "world" they fall into; whether I know them in person or at the distance of a keyboard.

A sad result of getting old is how friends tend to die. One here, one there and pretty soon you’re talking about big-time holes in your life. The memories of old friends are wonderful to have, but it’s hard to meet them for dinner or have a phone chat.

Which is a big reason I work hard to advocate elderblogging. In retirement, we lose the daily camaraderie of the workplace, we may need to give up the car keys and sometimes physical mobility becomes limited. But sitting at the computer, we have a literal world of potential friends at our fingertips.

All you need to take advantage of that is to be open, join the conversation (don’t lurk for too long) and follow up with those for whom you feel a simpatico. And bloggers – be sure to welcome newcomers when you see their names in the comments more than once. Help bring them into the world of elderblogging and the world of friendship it creates.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Ellen Younkins is back with another poem, Golfer's Lament.]

Exercise: What’s Your Excuse?

A couple of months ago, The New York Times published a story by long-time health reporter, Jane Brody, about the importance of exercise for elders. Considering the amount of information it covers, the story is remarkably short and simple. Even so, it could be boiled down further to these salient points that should be burned in our brains:

Fact: As they age, people lose muscle mass and strength, flexibility and bone.

Fact: The resulting frailty leads to a loss of mobility and independence.

The last two facts may sound discouraging. But they can be countered by another. Regular participation in aerobics, strength training and balance and flexibility exercises can delay and may even prevent a life-limiting loss of physical abilities into one’s 90s and beyond.

Every time we discuss end-of-life issues here at TGB, it is universally agreed that no one wants to wind up unable to care for themselves. We all know the best way to ensure we remain healthy for as long as possible is to eat intelligently AND EXERCISE. But many of us do not.

Although a good exercise regimen should, as Ms. Brody notes, include aerobics and strength training along with something for flexibility and balance, some experts, aware of how negligent many people are about exercise, suggest that five, 30-minute brisk walks a week can go a long way toward staving off infirmity.

How hard is that? 30 minutes a day. Some fresh air. Time for mental stillness. And doing yourself a big health favor. Still, it doesn’t get done. At least, not in my house.

For several months, when I first moved to Portland, Maine, I walked for an hour every morning, seven days a week. I was new to the neighborhood, there was much to see and learn about the area, and I looked forward to it – for awhile, until it wasn’t so new anymore. You know how it goes: “Oh, I’ll skip today. Six days in a week would be okay.”

Then it's five, four and soon enough winter is here and I might slip on the ice or snow. Never mind that I see people on daily walks down the middle of the street (not many cars in this town) where the snow is worn away.

About a year ago, Claude Covo-Farchi started a blog, ElderExercise, as a support group for elders to encourage one another in keeping up their exercise routines. I was invited, but didn’t join. I knew from past experience that I would not maintain it – with or without encouragement – and didn’t want to feel more guilt than I already do.

I did attend twice-weekly t’ai chi classes for a year and actually learned enough to practice it at home. Still do, now and then, but not often enough. I’ve joined gyms about half a dozen times throughout my life only to let it drift after a month or two. I despise those machines, the blaring music and the general ambience of a lot of buff 20-somethings using the place as a singles bar.

But that’s just another excuse, like deliberately getting involved with a book or magazine or playing with the cat on my way to picking up those cute pink barbells in the bedroom.

So I tell myself to get back to walking every day as I did during the first months after I moved here. Set a time every day and work the rest of my schedule around it; that would be a start. But I have all kinds of excuses not to walk, let alone do anything more vigorous than push the vacuum cleaner around once a week:

• Oh, the sky is getting dark, it might rain while I’m out. Better stay home.
• I haven’t written a post for tomorrow. No time to walk.
• I should cook that chicken before it rots. Can’t go out while the oven’s on.
• So much email, so little time. Better get to it.
• It’s 82 degrees today. Too hot to walk.
• I really should take care of that bank business. Too far to walk, I’ll have to drive.
• Oops, late dinner appointment tonight. Better have a nap instead.

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. The depth of the stupidity of my excuses is beyond measurement. Oh, how I miss New York City where walking is integrated into everyday activities. You can do five miles there without noticing it. However, that is not my reality now and lamenting it is nothing more than another stupid excuse.

According to Miriam E. Nelson, who is director of the John Hancock Center for Physical Activity and Nutrition at Tufts University in Boston,

“…with every increasing decade of age, people become less and less active.

“But,” Dr. Nelson said, “the evidence shows that with every increasing decade, exercise becomes more important in terms of quality of life, independence and having a full life.”

The New York Times, 24 June 2008

So the question today is, for those who are as lazy as I am, what is your best dumbest excuse for not exercising? Maybe we can shame ourselves into getting off our butts.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Pat Temiz, an ex-pat in Turkey, explains how it came to be that where she lives there is No Such Thing as a Homeless Chicken.]

Millie Garfield is 83 Today

Be sure to stop by her blog today to celebrate with Millie.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Mort Reichek give us a follow-up to his Friday story titled A Sad Sequel to the Story of My 64-Year-Old Army Photo.]

Sunday Election Issues - 17 August 2008

This Sunday post is a collection of links to elderblog stories about the issues that are important to understand in making our choices on who to vote for in the November election. You can read the original post announcing this feature here.

Education
• From Elaine Frankonis at Kalilily Time: Technology in the Classroom

The Race Issue
• From Sylvia K of The View From Over the Hill: Black or White – It Still Comes Down to Racism

Voting Rights
• From Gary White of Having Fun Until I Die: What Elders Can Do For Democracy

American Foreign Policy and Empire
• From Jan Adams of Happening-Here: Georgia on My Mind

Senator John McCain
• From Rain at Rainy Day Thoughts: McCain - Our Next President?

• From Ronni Bennett: No link here, just a question: Will someone explain to me why John Edwards is being crucified for philandering while an actual presidential candidate has been given a pass for cheating on his crippled wife with an heiress 20 years his junior and then divorcing his wife to marry the heiress who bankrolled his political career?

Marital infidelity is so common that I don’t include it among my criteria for making choices among politicians. However, if it is a “crime” for one politician to have cheated on his wife, shouldn’t the punishment be applied equally to all?

Corporate Accountability
• One of the issues not much addressed so far in this election cycle is lack of corporate accountability, exacerbated by many policies of Republicans in general and the Bush administration in particular. Here’s a ruefully amusing video on that topic titled Insurance Company Rules. [1:42 minutes]

This Week in Elder News: 16 August 2008

In this regular weekend feature you will find links to news items from the preceding week related to elders and aging, along with whatever else catches my fancy that I think you might like to know. Suggestions are welcome with, however, no promises of publication.

I don’t like admitting that I missed the 73rd birthday of Social Security last Thursday, 14 August. To make up for my lapse, below is a short video statement from James Roosevelt, the grandson of President Franklin Delano Roosevelt who signed the Social Security legislation in 1935. [1:02 minutes] You can read about the creation of Social Security here and about its 73rd birthday celebration here.

A new survey shows – in Britain, anyway – that women begin using anti-wrinkle creams at the tender age of 28. “Do any of these creams really make us look younger?” asks Bryony Gordon who is, herself, 28?

“No," she answers, "they just work by making you feel older. And when you spend your life trying to turn back the clock, you only end up missing what is staring at you in the mirror - and that's a face which is probably not half as bad as the beauty companies would have you believe.”

Now that’s a young woman after my own heart. Read more here.

According to a study from the House Committee on Oversight and Government Reform, Medicare Part D insureds paid $3.7 billion more in 2006 and 2007 for the top 100 prescription drugs than they would have paid if they were covered under Medicaid which, unlike Medicare Part D, is allowed to negotiate prices. More details here.

Former presidential candidate, Rep. Dennis Kucinich (Dem, OH), has introduced The Medicare Drugs for Seniors Act (H.R. 6800) that would require Medicare to negotiate prices, among other important provisions. Read Rep. Kucinich’s statement here.

Nancy Belle, who works and blogs for Erickson Retirement Communities, writes:

“The stigma of age is tied heavily to the stigma of 'those retirement homes'. We [Erickson homes] are not places for the end of life. We are for living life.”

To help change public perception of retirement homes, Erickson has produced a new television commercial [:31 seconds] and Nancy, who is a good friend of Time Goes By, is wondering if you think it makes the point. You can let her know here.

When you don’t have old people around to check facts with, it can embarrass your company and undermine its brand. Can you spot the mistake in this screen grab of a promotional email from boomer/senior website eons.com last week?

Hint: “Hog FarmER tent???” I don’t think so. I was there. In the tent. And anyway, back in the day, the Hog Farm was widely known. Mistakes like this are as jarring as an airplane above the desert in an old western movie and in this case, makes a company that targets elders look foolish.

Eighty-three-year-old James Hoyt died last week. Never heard of him? In 1945, as a private first class, he was one of the original four GIs who liberated Buchenwald concentration camp. Read this touching and historical obituary.

You know how a song gets stuck in your head and won’t go away? I was plagued this week with Mairzy Doats which I don’t believe I had heard or thought about in more than 20 years. At the risk of driving you nuts too (why shouldn’t you suffer with me?), here’s a modern version done in 1940s style. [1:44 minutes]

Elder Fashion – An Oxymoron

[EDITORIAL NOTE: If you have written anything this week about issues related to the upcoming election, please get a link to me today so I can include it in the Sunday Election Issues post.]

In a recent email exchange, Nancy B of eChronicles lamented how difficult it is to find clothing designed for elder women’s body shapes. As it happens, the same thing had been on my mind recently, although my mood about it tends toward more ire than lament.

‘Tis the season for bargains in summer clothes – a good time to buy for next year - but as I peruse the catalogues that pour in, I see more transparent blouses and even pants than much of anything that actually covers a human body. The euphemism this year for transparent, by the way, is “gauze.” Perhaps there are so many left over because even younger women don’t want to be seen in public looking naked.

With few exceptions, even with sellers such as Coldwater Creek that supposedly cater to heftier bodies, there are fewer elastic waists on pants than in the past. In my case, that means when a pair fits my hips, the waist can’t be closed since mine – and that of many other elder women - long ago expanded to equal the size of our hips.

With the possible exception of the few Katharine Hepburn types of older women, everyone’s waist thickens with age. What are designers thinking? Certainly not about older women.

In blouses and tops, they are enamored of so-called boat necks that lie about two inches below the back of one’s neck. There aren’t many older women who don’t get a bit beefy in that area as we get older and it’s not something I want to show off. Aside from turtlenecks, a large number of sweater styles meant for cold weather are designed with boat necks too. (Also, too many collarless jackets are cut low at the back of the neck.)

Lately, I’ve been buying winter sweaters in the men’s department. The necks are located in the same place as human necks, they hang much more nicely than women’s sweaters and aren’t made in clingy fabrics.

It is nearly impossible to find a suit that fits an older body. Designers just add fabric for larger sizes without considering differing proportions so that if a jacket fits at the shoulders, it is unlikely to button at the waist. A larger size results in shoulder seams halfway down one’s upper arms while the matching pants or skirt are then baggy.

Lack of thought in design applies to shirts too. Given my shape these days, I like what are called “big shirts” to wear with pants, but those too are missing proportion in petite sizes (I’m just under 5’ 2”). They are so long, I look like an eight-year-old wearing daddy’s shirt. The problem is that clothes are originally proportioned for 5’ 8” and above models, and in sizing down for petites, short legs and short waists are ignored.

And why do the few dresses designed without waists all look like muu-muus of the 1950s – totally shapeless? There are numerous ways to cut and sew fabrics to give some style to dresses without waists, but no attempt is made to do this.

And don’t go telling me to shop in big-size stores or whatever the polite phrase is for fat-girl shops. Those clothes too are designed for younger bodies that although they are larger than clothes for skinny girls, are created for young, not old, proportions.

Our bodies begin to thicken about the time we start menopause (our forties for most of us) and although there were more than 52 million women in the U.S. 45 and older in the 2000 census (37 percent of the female population), and a few million more now, we are the forgotten women in the rag trade. One of the ways old people are maligned is our lack of style in dressing. Don't blame us. It's the fashion industry which has not given one second's thought to how our body shape differs from that of a 20-year-old.

If there are any fashion designers reading this who wouldn't scoff at making a fortune off us elders, give me a call. I know a whole lot more about what’s needed to reach our market and I’ll give it to you for free just to have something to wear that fits and is attractive.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Mort Reichek gives us his Reflections on a 64-Year-Old Photo.]

Exhorbitant Drug Price Increases

[EDITORIAL NOTE: The TGB Geriatrician is a bi-weekly column written by Dr. Bill Thomas (bio) for Time Goes By to give us the information we need to help us navigate the health issues of aging. Dr. Thomas also writes his own blog at Changing Aging.]

“Drug companies are quietly pushing through price hikes of 100 percent or even more than 1,000 percent for a very small but growing number of prescription drugs, helping to drive up costs for insurers, patients and government programs.

“The number of brand-name drugs with increases of 100 percent or more could double this year from four years ago, researchers from the University of Minnesota say. Many of the drugs are older products that treat fairly rare, but often serious or even life-threatening, conditions.

“Among the examples: Questcor Pharmaceuticals last August raised the wholesale price on Acthar, which treats spasms in babies, from about $1,650 a vial to more than $23,000. Ovation raised the cost of Cosmegen, which treats a type of tumor, from $16.79 to $593.75 in January 2006.

“The average wholesale price of 26 brand-name drugs jumped 100 percent or more in a single cost adjustment last year, up from 15 in 2004, the university study found. In the first half of this year, 17 drugs made the list.”

USA Today, 8 August 2008

It is not a "free market" when producers can arbitrarily push through price increases at will for products people need to survive, and nothing can be done to stop them. Where is the pressure to lower prices?

By some bizarre logic, we are expected to accept the "workings of capitalism" when companies raise prices by 100 percent, and we are supposed to object to our government acting to bring prices down by increasing competition.

EDITORIAL NOTE: You can subscribe to The TGB Geriatrician column by email by clicking here. Subscribe to the daily Time Goes By blog by email or RSS in the upper right corner of this page.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Susan Fisher tells us how she learned the kid-friendly explanation for thunder The Angels are Bowling.]

Summer in Portland, Maine

It's been a long time since I've posted photographs. Getting out, even on my deck has been difficult; it has rained - heavy, soaking rains - more days than not throughout spring and summer. I haven't lived here long enough to know for certain, but it appears now that fall has already arrived. The days are mostly cloudy, when it's not raining, and cool with temperatures in the low- to mid-60s.

I'm not complaining. I like cool, cloudy weather.

Last winter, the local media tells us, gave us one of the heaviest snowfalls on record, more than twice as much as average. I can attest to that, having lost track about midway through snow season of how many times I dug out my car. This was one of the last, big storms, probably in late March.

The deck is covered and doesn't get too much snow, but it looks rather desolate in winter and hard to recall that it flourishes during midyear.

They tell me here that you can't begin a garden until after 30 May; it might still freeze at night. When I was in New York in April, the tulips and daffodils were already in bloom in the sidewalk planters, but even in June, my deck garden looked sparse. (Note those lilacs on the other side of the fence.)

One morning in June, this appeared in the sky off my deck. What is it about rainbows that make us feel happy?

Remember the lilacs two photos up? The tree - it's much bigger than a bush - is in a neighbor's yard, but the branches overhang my deck, so I cut stole a few this year for the dining table. It is my favorite flower scent - it nearly makes me swoon.

Two months later, in early August, the deck garden has filled out, but I doubt the adjective "lush" can be applied in Maine where the growing season is so short.

Nevertheless, the fresh-green color of the sweet-potato vine cheers me on rainy days and I have always liked the simplicity of plain, white petunias.

They were given a whole new look one recent morning during a pink-hued dawn.

Speaking of pink, this photo almost does the color of this geranium justice, but not quite. In life it is even deeper and more sensuous.

Second only to lilacs, the aroma of hyssop sends me into reveries. This is the most successful group I've grown in Maine and the honeybees think so too. Except in the heaviest rain, they are there every day.

But the real reason for this post today is to celebrate the fourth birthday of my furry companion, Oliver. He has not been allowed on the deck due to this misadventure last year. Which undoubtedly accounts for his pensive mood. I think today, this afternoon, I'll allow him some time out even though it means a lot nagging from him for more.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Clair Zargas explains how she learned the hard - and funny - way about being one of those with Tenderfeet.]

Exercises in Political Inanity

Congress is on a long vacation, so elected officials and appointees aren’t available now for the Sunday political talk shows out of Washington which leaves TV folks talking to themselves. This an exchange that took place last Sunday on ABC-TV’s This Week hosted by George Stephanopoulos. The speakers are Cokie Roberts, an ABC political analyst, and Victoria Clarke:

ROBERTS: …As we've talked about before, in this year that should be such a Democratic year given all the other indices, he is tied in the polls and stage-sided in the polls and going off this week to a vacation in Hawaii -

VICTORIA CLARKE: (former Pentagon spokeswoman): Right.

ROBERTS: - does not make any sense whatsoever. I know his grandmother lives in Hawaii and I know Hawaii is a state, but it has the look of him going off to some sort of foreign, exotic place. He should be in Myrtle Beach, and, you know, if he's going to take a vacation at this time.

CLARKE: Well, and -

ROBERTS: And I just think that, you know, this is not the time to do that.

This may be one of the slimiest or, maybe, dumbest attacks on a candidate I’ve ever heard. Here is video of the entire conversation (with some extraneous material) and no one on the panel challenges Ms. Roberts. [1:43 minutes]

Senator Barack Obama spent some of his childhood years in Hawaii, his grandmother still lives there and why shouldn’t the senator take a few days off with his family, especially in these doldrums of the dog days of summer leading up to the Democratic Party Convention in a couple of weeks?

What good are political pundits? All they ever talk about is strategy as if they were experts at running campaigns, which they are not. Why aren’t they giving us background, history and potential options and solutions on the crucial issues facing our country? It is not like there is any dearth of them to talk about. But I have not seen a single documentary - even a short one – in mainstream TV media with any useful information about the economy, global warming, fuel and food prices, water shortages, Iraq and Afghanistan, healthcare, immigration and everything else.

Print media is no better. Where are the in-depth investigations of these same issues laying out how we got in these messes, comparing the candidates’ proposals and vetting them against facts?

You won’t find them in The New York Times or the Washington Post or local newspapers or Time or Newsweek and U.S. News - although the last at least makes a stab at it now and then.

I began subscribing to the three news weeklies in high school, so that’s about half a century of reading them. It’s not that I need the news; I read daily papers for that. But they served to catch me up on anything of importance I missed and because they are so deeply middle-brow, they kept me informed on the tenor of the times.

That hasn’t been so for a long time. These days the first 25 or 30 pages of the news weeklies – often more than a third of the magazine – is taken up with out-of-context quotes, silly lists of basest of pop culture, two- or three-sentence “overviews” of complicated events, subjective scorecards of what’s in or out and who’s winning and losing at – well, it’s hard to know.

God help us, the back page commentary in Time this week is, inanely, about what kind of dog the next president should have in the White House. The choice, according to columnist Nancy Gibbs, is “critical.”

Years ago when it was my job to know which celebrities were marrying, divorcing, in rehab or sleeping around, I often joked that I had got my reading of People magazine down to four minutes flat. I can do that with the news weeklies now and I’ve decided to drop them next time renewals come due. There is nothing there I can’t get online and anyway, in the 24-hour news cycle we live with, they have become an anachronism. Time is writing about Paris Hilton’s McCain rebuttal video this week - so two weeks ago.

There is much more good information online. Google Alerts bring me daily lists of links on any topic I set up. Sure, some of it is trash, but a lot isn’t. You quickly get to know which links to click.

There are hundreds of newspapers and magazines and aggregators online with better information and commentary than the weeklies. There are scholarly publications, too, from the left, right, center and even the edges of sanity with more depth than anything mainstream media has offered in years.

And among the ignorant political blogs are others from hard-working bloggers who, with none of the resources and contacts of big media, scour the web on their topics of interest – subjects crucial to all our futures - and bring together the best reading there is on them with links to the original material. On television, South Park has more interesting points of view on social issues and some political ones than many of the trivial TV pundits although I appreciate Bill Moyers' long and well-prepared interviews, but those are available online too.

If sliming Senator Obama for taking a short break in one of the 50 states (I suspect Hawaii would have something to say about being branded less American than Myrtle Beach) is what Cokie Roberts and her cohorts think is politics, it’s time to stop hanging on to outdated media and switch to the web full time. There is real information here.

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Linda Hillin reminds us how evocative scents can be in A Smell From the Past.]

Elder Time

“She had learned, in her life, that time lives inside you. You are time, you breathe time. When she’d been young, she’d had an insatiable hunger for more of it, though she hadn’t understood why. Now she held inside her a cacophony of times and lately it drowned out the world. The apple tree was still nice to lie near. The peony, for its scent, also fine. When she walked through the woods (infrequently now) she picked her way along the path, making way for the boy inside to run along before her. It could be hard to choose the time outside over the time within.”

- David Wroblewski, The Story of Edgar Sawtelle

[At The Elder Storytelling Place today, Nancy Leitz brings us another tale of Mom Mom titled, Menu Please!]